Really terrible. Through the first 20 minutes I kept saying, “Wow, this is Michael Bay bad.” But then it took it to a whole new level and finished . A quick run through:
- I don’t know how this thing got green-lit. It’s so WEIRD. The tone is so off – I’m trying to imagine how they decided who the target audience was: “Well, there’s about 500 people who have read the comic, and then there’s about 1000 guys who like action movies and hate themselves. That’s our audience.”
- Which leads me to…the makers seem to hate the audience. Or just hate in general. There’s this whole theme of – If You Work at a Regular Job You’re A Loser that it keeps coming back to, as if it couldn’t see past the whole destiny thing and keeps getting caught on the job. Makers – watch Matrix again: once he leaves the office he doesn’t go back, because we don’t want to see it again – IT’S NOT IMPORTANT. Being a superhuman killer, is not, in fact, a viable career choice for everyone.
- But then the closest thing that it cam be compared to isn’t The Matrix, it’s anime. Pick a standard weird anime. Loser kid with hidden superpowers and overwhelming fate? Check. Untouchable hot chick mentor? Check. Unlikeable loserness difficult to get past even when he’s supposed to be cool? Check. Overly dramatic, cliched dialogue, with unbelievable plot twists and points? Check. Out-of-place gory fighting and crueltly? Check.
- Angelina Jolie is by far the best thing in it. I don’t really like her in general – but she’s quite likeable here, she actually makes her lines sound like they come from a cohesive human – so she’s rising in my estimation. Morgan Freeman, even in all his Morgan-ness, can’t sell the Loom of Doom.
- A couple of the set pieces were amazing. But if you’ve seen the extended trailer you’ve seen them. Yep.
- No one says the f-bomb that much. We’re back to 90’s action movies that came out after Pulp Fiction and felt the f-bomb was the reason it worked. It’s distracting. DISTRACTING.
Advice: It’s not a stupid movie popcorn movie to watch after a long day – I wish I had that time back. Watch the trailer a couple of times, then move on. Here it is, to save you some time.